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Wednesday, 19 October 2011

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Last night I did something peculiar...I had a conversation with myself inside of my head...it was entirely consciously uncalled for.  It went something like this...
Me1: what do you really want right now?
Me2: I don't know, I've been thinking about that for a while...right now I feel like slapping a butter sandwich on my cat, pushing it off the table and seeing if it lands face-up
Me1: how does that make you feel?
Me2: sadistic.
Me1: ...
Maybe not exactly like that, lol.  But I've been thinking.  Love is really the most prostituted word there is.  It's used so frequently about everything and everyone, even to express approval of the most minutiae things, that it's full potential and penetrating intensity has been strung out into this tenuous and flimsy noise flickered thoughtlessly by the tongue. "I love that restaurant! I love Brad Pitt's moustache! I love those shoes gf xoxo!!"  It's free to be pimped by anyone, so when I say I love someone or something...do I really?  
I'm not feeling solid at the moment.  I have five empty gum wrappers lying around this portal to my cyber-sanctum, and I'm chewing ferociously at the moment trying to think.  But few thoughts come in any meaningful or concise way.  It's unsettling.  I don't like this sort of stagnant sedateness, states when there is little interesting, purposeful or meaning thought or emotion, it's like being dead. But what does that mean?
There is a change on the horizon, I can sense it.  It's like feeling the world go still and silent right before it begins raining.  I know something will happen soon that will be different from before...
Words, words, words, what do they really mean?  There's such a disparity between the true person and the world, I think the definitions of sanity and insanity need to be changed.  So what's the difference with words? My expression of the person and its interaction with the world
and what the ideal is
Leave that open to interpretation.  In the end it doesn't really matter what I say anyway.  (Even though ironically I bother here.)  It really, really doesn't.  
I couldn't help myself...
 but at least Herbert knows the answer now :^)

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